Developing Resilience and Finding Growth Through Grief

It's common for us men to be raised in hegemonic environments that encourage us to exhibit physical toughness, emotional stoicism, and hyper-independence in times of adversity. When we exude these qualities, we are deemed resilient and capable. 

As a result, we learn to mask our true emotional experiences to appear resilient. However, masking leaves us feeling stuck and unable to move forward. We never learn to manage the complexity of grief, resulting in physical and emotional suffering and unwanted behaviors. 

What does it mean to be resilient?

True resilience is adaptable and recovers from hardships, failures, loss, trauma, or stress. It demonstrates courage and endures, resulting in personal growth.

What is grief?

Grief is a natural emotional response to hardship, failure, loss, trauma, and change. Inside the grief process, we experience an array of complex emotions that each need tending to for a desirable outcome

We all experience grief differently and on our timeline. Therefore, each of us will need whatever time it takes and different ways to cope for grief to be processed.

Why is grief important?

Change occurs every day, some of us are present to subtle changes, and some only experience it when it is drastic. It can be as simple as a goodbye in the morning as you leave your loved ones to go to work or as big as the death of a loved one. 

It is the experience of what once was, what was not, what is or isn’t right now, or what may never be. 

No matter the circumstances, being present to the feelings gives way to growth and resilience.

What do we need to process grief?

First and foremost we must have the courage to confront the emotions. Stroebe and Schut (1999) developed the Dual Process Model of Grief Coping that emphasizes a balance between confronting and processing emotions while being able to adapt behaviorally to the changes associated with the circumstances. Confronting the emotions themselves is growing capacity and resilience.

Upon finding the courage to confront the emotions, resourcing support is needed. Support looks like leaning on friends and family for emotional support. Some of us may have ways of managing change influenced and supported by our culture, religion, or spirituality. We may also resource by drawing from pre-existing internal resilience and using healthy coping and processing skills that we have already attained. It is always recommended to seek professional support that is trauma-informed and understands the complexity of the grieving process.

What is the outcome?

Engaging in the grieving process develops more self-awareness and expands our capacity to prevail and endure in times of difficulty while maintaining our emotional health. It helps us find meaning and purpose in the changes we are experiencing and encourages us to find a new appreciation for life experiences. Lastly, grieving openly with loved ones strengthens our emotional bonds and brings us closer together.